on labels, first impressions and expectations…
People aren’t always what they seem. Almost three decades of existence has taught me that. On the surface, people might seem exuberant, open, problem-free. On the inside, we all have our own neuroses and idiosyncracies. But if we simply take the time to see and accept all these, we would find that it is this mix of traits that make the people we love so utterly fascinating.
we all have friends who would shamefully plead guilty to the charge of having made the wrong impression on you. On more than one occasion, i was the recipient of such declarations. The only way i have made peace with it is to take them as compliments and move past them.
Case in point: i used to blame my arched eyebrows as it often made people i have just met feel intimidated or worse, scared. i know a few of my students still do. Others even saw it as an indication of haughtiness or would go so far as to describe me with a word that is less PG-rated. Then again, this genetic gift of having thick eyebrows (that i need to pluck on a regular basis, mind you) is not something i can simply write off. a few cups of coffee or bottles of beer and a good conversation later, i am always pleased to hear that they have made a mistaken first impression on me.
i guess that’s just the way it is.
Or take the case of a friend of mine. She recently got into this conversation with some law students and found herself seeing her and me thru their eyes. my friend and i sometimes take for granted our law degrees that these students have been struggling each day to attain and yet, to them, it was like there was this great divide — those who finally got their roll numbers and those who are still signing up for theirs. my friend and i simply shrugged and said, "if only they knew…" and "oh, all the stories we could tell…"(right weng?)
but i guess that’s how it is in life. we have expectations. we have a certain image that we have on other people. some, even place a mental "dog tag" on people they meet. perhaps that is the reason why we have such things as archetypes and role models.
saint. sinner.
jock.nerd.
homebody. social butterfly.
wife-material. mistress-type.
cassanova. virgin.
committment-phobe. man (or woman)-eater.
career-oriented. domesticated.
it seems utterly delimiting to mentally place tags on people we meet but we are all guilty of that at one point or another. somehow, it makes things easier if we classify or compartmentalize.
but every so often, the people we meet can totally surprise us…
Sometimes, they move past the labels and truly get to know us…strengths and flaws (even the occasional neuroses), and they accept all that. Perhaps they realize that knowing a person means getting past the "black or white" descriptions but truly delve into all the "grey" matters. That the people we love sometimes are a mixture of both labels or could even be a study of contradictions.
it is to these people that i am sending this shout out. i am truly grateful for your open minds and even greater hearts. for seeing more than what the eye can see and for knowing that there is something more in a person than the first impressions you have of them. People i am truly fortunate enough to have in my life as my friends.
