my so-called life

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

by Maya Angelou

Last night I had the chance to watch the film “When Harry met Sally” again.

For those of you who have not had the chance to watch this film (hello? From what planet are you?), it poignantly showcases the entwined lives of two friends, Harry and Sally – how their friendship began, the struggles, and how their friendship evolved. For a work of fiction, it resonates a truth that has long plagued us all as it attempts to answer that timeless question: “can a man and a woman truly be friends?”

Harry’s take on that is this – a man and woman can never be friends simply because sex or attraction gets in the way. At some point, one or both of them at the very least, entertains that idea. At some point, one falls for the other.

And while the film eventually ended “Hollywood-style” – with Harry eventually ending up with Sally, in reality, that ending may or may NOT happen at all. In fact, when I saw this new teen show “One Tree Hill” portraying the characters of two childhood friends remaining just that – the best of friends – I was truly relieved that Hollywood is trying to break free from the stereotype. Because in truth, a man and a woman can just be friends… even the best at that. Like what Lucas and Haley from “One Tree Hill” have.

Having grown up in a co-ed academic institution, having guy friends was not at all that weird for me. It was good to have guy friends as they gave you a different perspective from what your girl friends would see. In fact, I have heard someone say that at times, girl friends see each other as “competition.” For some, this might be a good reason as any to simply hang out with her guy friends.

On more than one occasion, my guy friends have given me insights on what they think a guy’s true intentions are… Are they merely playing the field with me or are they for real? Is he cheating on me and should I give up on him? And I get the answers that I would not totally get if I asked it from my girl friends…brutally frank it may be.

Aside from that, you know that you can always count on your guy friends to pull you out of a jam. It could be with something as simple as being your “rescuer” when your car stalls or the tires have gone flat to something big like coming to your defense if a guy is going all “stalker-mode” on you.

And who says that you cannot carry on a decent conversation with a guy friend? I find that the most meaningful conversations I have had recently were from my guy friends. I was amazed at the level of candidness they would show – one which I feel they seldom show to their male friends for fear of being the butt of jokes if they were to bare their souls to them.

So while “Harry and Sally” puts forth the proposition that in the end, a man and a woman could never be friends because sex is always in the way, I beg to disagree. It is possible to break free from that stereotype.

And when you do break free from that stereotype, you find that having that kind of friendship truly is something worth treasuring.

on the eve of my birthday, the last year in my twenties, i find myself asking this question…

What would be that one thing that would make me happy tomorrow, one that would not cost anything?

my answer is surprisingly simple… if only i could spend it by having a nice quiet dinner with all the people i care about.

for yet another year, my mom is not with me to celebrate my birthday. in fact, tomorrow should be a day i pay tribute to her for bringing me to this world. because of her and the sacrifices she has made, i am where im supposed to be right now.

and yet, i cannot even have that quiet simple dinner with her and the rest of my family tomorrow. It would be tempting to indulge in self-pity, but if i try to look at it from her angle, she is celebrating her birthday too in a few days…the one thing i bet she is truly looking forward to on that day is our phone call, greeting her, as she turns a year older.

it would be nice if i could sit down tomorrow with all of my closest friends– the ones i consider as my second family. friends with whom i have grown up with, friends i constantly hang out with, and friends i have forged ties with for even the briefest of times.

as it is, most of my friends whom i have grown up with are now in places far away. and while my heart longs to see them tomorrow, the distance contraints compel us all to accept the fact that text messages, emails or phone calls are enough.

i am grateful though to have friends who are there, who silently plan a surprise birthday bash yet all the while telling the birthday celebrant that it is a "surprise" party. I am thankful to friends who take the time to call and explain themselves and why things turned out the way they did even if such explanations were no longer necessary. i am blessed to have friends who, despite their hectic schedules, would make time to be there at that simple quiet dinner everyone longs for at the end of the day –not just on one’s birthday — to simply "be with" and catch up on each other’s lives.

and i guess, the heart of the matter is just that simple truth.

while we could all hope that our wishes be granted by some genie, in reality, that never happens. what we do have though, if we only look at it with grateful hearts, truly is enough.